I could hear the ambulance sirens approaching.
I stood up from my seat, clenching to my chest and making my way to the front door. The wait was an hour, and I could feel the dull ache intensifying from the left side of my chest going towards my left shoulder with numbness on my left hand. My body sloped towards the wall. I could feel the heaviness of my breathing and my heart racing in rhythm.
“Please, not this again.”
The ambulance crew immediately brought me to our health centre, and I was given medications to provide relief for pain and slow down my heart rate. I was going above 120 beats per minute which was way beyond the normal range of 60-100. I needed to stay for more than six hours to make sure that my blood levels did not indicate any heart damage.
This happened four days ago. I was grateful that I was able to go home that day, but the doctor told me that another episode of chest pain would warrant me to be transferred to the regional health facility.
For three years, I had a series of tests and cardiologist reviews due to recurring episodes of chest pain. Last year, I was able to be off medications to regulate my heart rate. I thought it would already be better.
I just had a follow-up appointment last Monday with one of our local doctors, and she ran a few blood tests to check my condition.
“I think we need you to be reviewed again by a cardiologist.”
I knew she was going to say that, but my mind was firing with doubts and worries: “Will I ever be ok?” “It will be more expenses again.” “Will I just go back home to the Philippines?”
Yesterday, I decided to get out of my apartment to change my gloomy atmosphere. I did not expect to meet one of my churchmates on my way to town. It began with the usual “how are you?” and I ended up detailing the events of my weekend in the hospital.
Then she said, “You should not be afraid, and keep trusting in the Lord. He already knows what is going to happen to you today, tomorrow and in the future. If you focus on Him, you will not be fearful. I am not afraid of what will happen to me since I know I am in God’s hands.”
“One of my children died of cancer, and the other was killed. Some may question God when faced with trials like those. Yet, I chose not to. I was thankful for the time He has given me with my children, and that helped me go through those times.”
She prayed for me, and we separated ways. God knew what was troubling my heart at that time. I believe it was not an accident of meeting my churchmate but a divine appointment. I knew my faith was swaying, and the Lord wanted to remind me to keep my eyes on Him.
It resonated in my mind- the Lord meets you where you are. It did not matter where I was, he has made a way to bring me back to listening to His voice of truth and not of fear.
Here’s a song that inspired me today: