Having time off work due to having fractures in my hand gave me the chance to think about last year’s events.
I know that I had the tendencies to over analyzing things or become overly critical about what I do or say. It only caused me lost sleep, stress and bitterness. Negative thoughts seemed to make itself at home in my thoughts and I just could not shoo its familiarity off my daily grind.
It was terrible. I ended up being emotionally exhausted because of the heightened stress and extremely irritated – to the point that I distanced myself away from people who were concerned of me.
Until a friend asked me if what I was doing with myself was making me happy. I paused in thought and muttered words I knew was a lie- that I was ok. She said that she knew that I was trying to show I was strong; but it was apparent that I was like a flickering light. In her words she said, “You lost your passion, your happy place.”
She was not the only one who noticed the change in my behaviour but several of my close friends as well as my family. I was in a state of hopelessness and I felt that no matter how hard I try, I was deemed to wallow in the consequences of my mistakes.
I knew that I also distanced myself from God; and I was ashamed. My family saw that and constantly encouraged me to go before the Lord and seek Him. I am grateful for them and for other people whom God used to remind me of God’s love and grace.
Even YouTube videos randomly recommended in my account spoke about healing and deliverance through the Lord. It was not really coincidences but God’s way of reaching to me. People’s testimonies showed me how the Lord never gives up on His children. Most of them shared the same background and problems I had and were able to rise above the failures they faced.
I could not imagine where would I be without the Lord’s mercy. I needed to renew my perceptions and have a heart of humility. It was through God’s word that I regained confidence and became more resilient. It took a hard learning path for me to recognize that I have limitations, which was alright; because we have a Father who is limitless. I am thankful for His love, forgiveness and the opportunity to begin again.